Maybe I'm Just Tired

Prologue

I really feel for people that suffer from any sort of psychiatric disorder. Especially those without insight. Insight being the persons ability to know that they suffer from a disorder. This can take a lot of therapy and many patient sessions. It's so confronting to see people that just don't know. You can't exactly just tell them. They'll probably think that your crazy. Some people don't have the rationale thinking to convey themselves as being clinically insane. How can you tell what is the disorder and what is the person? What is real and what is not? The power is all in the clinicians. They determine whether or not your insane. How do you prove your sane when trying to prove your sane only depicts you futher as being insane. The aetiology of mental disorders are linked to social, genetic, enviromental and random variables. There can be traced a point of genisis but the question of

"Why did it affect person A? Where a similar issue did not affect person B"

Like for example PTSD Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. High prevelence associated with war. Some came back and reportedly killed their spouses during their sleep. Suffering from insomnia, paranoia etc. Yet some came back of course traumatised but not to the extent that it caused a major personality shift that put their lives or others at risk. The literature and research is far overwhelming. The depth of a persons subconcious is still stumping even the most brightest of academics.

 I

Besides this. I've met and dealt with people who have had acute and chronic forms of paranoid schizoprenia and personality paranoia. They definately were edgy about my presence. Lately I've been having this weird feeling that there is always someone behind me. If anyone knows about adrenaline then you'd know that having it pumped too much is not good for you. I haven't reached a point where it's affecting my daily routine but it's just that this feeling could only be partial to what someone diagnosed with a disorder would feel. It's most likely my mind playing tricks with my recent thoughts on the topic. Like if you ever read symptoms for diseases you'll eventually find one that you think you have, but you don't. On top of this feeling I've been having I'm very prone to twitching sensations and now could possibly be the worse time for it. I've been getting these small twitches in my shoulder/neck region and the twitch honestly feels like a tap. Like someone behind me has just tapped me on the shoulder. Not the best thing when I get up at night. Or when I'm sitting here looking over my shoulder every few minutes.

II

I'm at least able to justify all of these thoughts and feelings but imagine having no concept of it. Life with any sort of mental illness is not a fulfilled life. It's so time consuming and what's worse is that early detection, like a lot of things, is the best solution. My doctor told me that I could be considered a depression risk. Linked to stress. I know myself better than that. Maybe I'm just tired.